True Montreal Stories #1: When Strippers Attack/Why National Health Care Might Just Suck

My friend Jason had his bachelor party in Montreal a few weeks ago. Being in New York, I hoped on a bus to Ithaca where he lives and drove up with him and his friend Joel to Montreal. The rest of the crew flew in that day. But this story concerns Joel.

Joel is an innocent boy, perhaps a little naive. Born near Boulder Colorado, but just outside the hippiy left-wing college part, and schooled in North Dakota, he lead a normal, healthey wholesome life. Well, one Thursday night his ideal world of honesty came crashing down against the hustle and bustle that is big city Canadian life.

We were at a strip club and Joel went to get a lap dance from some lady and never came back. Turns out, he kept getting dance after dance and wound up owing her two hundred bucks. He gave her his id and went to the atm across the street, came back and gave her the money. They start talking, everything is cool then he asks for his id and she tells him, oh, first you gotta pay me.

"I did already."
"No you didn't."
And they went to talk to the bouncer who actually took Joel's side in the matter. There is a lot of fighting and screaming and then the bouncer takes the id out of her hands and tells her, "look we will figure this out, but first let's give this back to him so we don't forget." And he gives it back to him.

Well at this point the girl looses her mind. I mean looses her mind. Starts screaming at the top of her lungs some absolutely horrible things in French and then winds up and slaps Joel so hard across the face that the echoes of which could be heard and felt reverberating halfway across the club.

Joel leaves and the bouncer proceeded to handle this girl in a manner I have never seen a woman handled in public nor private. It was truly impressive. He throws her out and I grab my coat and go outside and as I walk down the stairs I see Joel holding the back of his head, blood everywhere.

Joel, standing out in the cold street, his sense of right and wrong eternally shattered, his moral compass ravaged, actually walks up to the stripper and asks. "Why would you lie? Why would you do that? You are a BAD person!"

And the stripper's response was to open her purse grab a 7 inch stiletto heel, and smash him in the back of his head. Blood was everywhere. And I come out to see him holding his head screaming bleeding all over his coat. An ambulance pulls up, the bandage his head, we go to the emergency room and wait about 7 hours for him to get stitches.

7 hours we waited. I know, it's insane. Meanwhile, sitting across from us is some kid who went out and over the course of the evening got all fucked up and coked out and put through a plate glass window. Half his ear was falling off and he had a Kleenex stuck to it to stop the bleeding. He had to wait too.