America Week #3: Insults that led to war

I hope the following two tales show all the other countries in the world that when you deal with America the Great, you say please and thank you. You take your hat off, and you speak in a respectful tone. Otherwise, we will do it to you and go right upside your head. America the Great keeps on winning.

INSULT #1: The XYZ Affair and the Quasi War of 1798
aka when the French first started to suck.

After the revolution, much debate raged over whether to support Britain or France in their ongoing dispute with Jefferson being the most vocal proponent of the French while Hamilton favored the British. Washington stood somewhere in between. He was fearful of another war with Great Britain, and sought a treaty to avert a war by resolving issues still leftover from before the Revolution. His main objective was the British evacuation from a substantial number of forts still occupied around the Great Lakes and to achieve better trade status with England.

Hamilton wrote the treaty and John Jay was sent to London to negotiate it. The Jay Treaty eventually made its way through both houses and passed. Along the way it angered Jefferson and Madison so much they morphed their movement into the Democratic-Republican Party to oppose what they believed was too much Federalist power.
But I digress. The Jay Treaty didn't do much. Trade between America and Britain improved, and some lingering issues from the revolution were solved, but the core issues were never dealt with, and the treaty never prevented the eventual war with Britain as much as it just postponed it till 1812.

But, moving on. Whatever your stance was back in the 1790's on the Jay Treaty, there was one extraordinarily unfair concession Jay gave to the British. He not olny allowed the British the right to seize U.S. goods bound for France if they then paid for them, but also to confiscate French goods on American ships without payment.
Needles to say, this infuriated the French, and rightly so. Adding insult to injury, the United States declared its old loans to France invalid, arguing America owed the French Monarchy, not the newly formed French Republic.

But instead of acting like gentlemen and talking it over, they acted the motherfucking the fool and started seizing our ships right away. Can you believe that shit?
Even with the French capturing our vessels all wily nily, we being Americans, took the high ground, and in April, 1798, Adams sent over three delegates to figure out how to resolve the situation like gentlemen. The three delegates sought French foreign minister Charles Talleyrand, but instead were met but three French agents who told the Americans Talleyrand would meet with them to negotiate if they, the Americans
a) gave France a large, low interest loan to further its military incursions in Europe,
b) offered a bribe of $250,000 to Talleyrand, and
c) had Adams apologize for comments he made concerning the French earlier during his administration.
The delegates were nothing short of flabbergasted. When word got back to the America the public was insulted. "Millions for defense, not a penny for tribute," wrote the newspapers. Jefferson, always a supporter of the French did not believe Talleyrand made such disgraceful demands, rather he argued the Adams' delegates were weak and unable to negotiate properly. Adams released the documents demanding the bribe, changing the three French agents name to X,Y, and Z, thus giving this scandal its name.
Needless to say, Adams didn't pay a single cent. His delegates went home, and the French went on seizing American ships. On July 7, 1798, Congress declared all treaties with France null and void and two days later authorized all attacks on French Vessels and the Quasi War began.
At the time America had virtually no navy. Congress authorized funds to buy and outfight ships with guns, and all in, America's fleet was roughly 25 vessels. The war was fought entirely at sea, along America's southern coast and throughout the Caribbean. Throughout the entire conflict, the American Navy captured or destroyed a substantial number of French vessels and only one American ship was taken by the French, only to be recaptured by the Americans a few months later.
By the end of the 1800's, the French were crying and couldn’t take it anymore. The French public demanded an end to it all and both parties signed the treaty of Mortefontaine effectively ending the hostilities.

Since then, France was kicked out of Algeria, and suffers tremendous problems with racism, xenophobia, anti-Semitism and rampant illiteracy. Meanwhile, in America the Great, we recently elected a black man, son of an immigrant, to serve our highest office.

Here is a song Rush wrote about it.



INSULT #2: The Zimmerman Telegram
aka The Height of Chutzpah


Throughout most of World War I, the United States maintained her neutrality. Public opinion in America was strongly anti-German, and after the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania, President Wilson was at an impasse. Germany could no longer go on sinking anything and everything that moved between America and Europe. I mean what was this, another Quasi war? Eventually, Germany agreed to compensate the victims and to slow their submarine warfare.

But, on January 16, 1917, the British intercepted a telegram from German Foreign Secretary Arthur Zimmermann to the German ambassador in the United States, Johann von Bernstorff. Zimmermann wrote of Germany's desire to resume unrestricted submarine warfare, and their fear it would draw the United States into the War. If this were to happen, Zimmermann instructed Bernstroff to approach the Mexican government for support. In return, Germany would offer Mexico monetary and military aid to recapture Texas, New Mexico and Arizona, and other land they lost during the Mexican American war,

Mexico told them thanks but not thanks. Their military determined it would not be feasible or even desirable to reclaim its lost territory. German financial support was worthless, as the US was the only sizable weapons manufacturer on the continent, and what good would the German money be if they couldn't buy weapons from America because you know, they would be in a war with America. Furthermore, the Mexican government had no plan to pacify the now large English-speaking population in their former territory. Mexico wasn't having it.

When telegram was intercepted in January for months it was thought to be a forgery. But as the public slowly recognized its authenticity, and as German submarine warfare grew more ruthless, war became inevitable. On April 2, 1917, Wilson asked Congress to declare war on Germany..

Germany lost WWI and suffered from rampant stagflation. They tried again in the 1940’s and also got it handed to them.
While costly, American involvement in WWI is generally believed to be what turned the tide against the Axis powers. Since then, America The Great has never lost a war.