Saturday, April 19, 2008

Lawyer Review #1: TI's Lawyer=Better Than My Parents

A long time ago, both my parents were lawyers.

After law school, still feeling the hippy vibe, out to help and protect the people from the government, my dad would travel around the state, working for the Council of Indian Affairs defending Indians, commonly defending Indians that shot down eagles to use their feathers for religious Indian what not. Problem was, the Great American Eagle is the symbol of America the Great and it's in real poor taste to shoot it down. You could make the argument that an Indian might not be so happy with this nation and might not view America the Great as being as Great as America is. But I digress. Point is, is you shot a Great American Eagle and got caught, my dad was your man. If it weren't for him, there would be eagles all over the place shitting on your head right now as you read.

Meanwhile my mom was a prosecutor, worked for the city of Milwaukee as an A.D.A. Tough as nails, never lost a case. She put the bad men away and never flinched. Legend has it she single-handily dismantled the Outlaws, and when one of them threatened her with a shotgun she told him to go point it at the goddamn eagles.

And as rad as they were when they were still both knee deep in the game, they did legal work, they were never able to pull off pure magic. And pure is what happened in Atlanta less than three weeks ago. (to think that real magic has not yet been discussed on this blog?)

As far as absurd hip-hop arrests go, this whole business ranks pretty high. It's no DMX impersonating an FBI agent and trying to steal a woman's car at JFK just because, but, it's at least on par or better than Slick Rick getting knocked by the INS. To pull into a Walgreen's parking lot on the way to the BET awards to buy some machine guns, well, it deserves applause. But the photosquantity of all the guns snatched during the subsequent raid of his home was what really elevated this one. Not only was the number of guns shocking, but these guns were insane. I've never even seen some of these in movies. And I like to watch movies with guns.

After a 2.2 million dollar bond he's been sitting in house arrest till two weeks ago when he enters a crazy plea deal.
A year and a day plus 1000 hours of community service. It's insane. Just to compare sentencing, Prodigy got popped for a fucking revolver and he's going upstate for three years. And, TI's a felon to begin with and it's illegal for him to have any guns, let alone guns which are illegal in the first place. It's amazing.

I don't know what kind of back room deal went on, and I'm sure T.I. rumors of snitching will haunt T.I. at least long enough before he gets himself into more trouble. Point is, what his lawyers were able to pull of was pure magic.

You know what he's like is Magic Ben. This guy performed at my 24th birthday party and it was the greatest thing ever. A few of my friends hated on it but that's because they were jealous and don't really understand the nuances of magic. He did a card trick where he I picked a card and put it back in the deck and he tried to guess it but he couldn't and he tried a bunch of times and then he said "oh it may be in this deck" and grabbed a deck of cards that was sitting on the corner of the table since he started the show and opened it up and my card was facing the other way and it said "happy birthday Adam." Now I think we can all admit that's unbelievable. The guy is really the best magician in the world. David Sedbach and his wonders of Magic. Please. The only wonder of magic in that whole show is the fact he still has a job. In fact, he should wonder about that himself..

Anyway, that card trick=T.I.'s lawyer.

3 Comments:

Blogger believermaker said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4/25/08, 8:55 AM  
Blogger daniel arnold said...

hero.

4/25/08, 1:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it's not magic, the streets been talking about ti. for a min, this isn't the first time he's worked with the authorities aka snitch.

5/7/09, 4:52 PM  

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